Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
