It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
