drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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