i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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