the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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