too bad you live with your parents still
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
