its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
