3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
