did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
