I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
