Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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