question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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