I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
