i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
