Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
