im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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