Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
