Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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