So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
