Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
