well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
