You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
