my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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