The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
