allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
