I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
