I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
