By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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