I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
