I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
