Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
