Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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