# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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