the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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