On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
