so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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