No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
