Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
