Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
