I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Too much gin, very little bucket
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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