On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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