When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize