I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
