Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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