Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
