Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
