New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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