I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
