I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize