well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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