I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize