I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize