nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
