you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
