Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
