They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
