I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
