physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
please come you make the beer taste better
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
