And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
