The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Never underestimate the power of titties
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