Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
