I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
