piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
