just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
