One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
