In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
