I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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