K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
