it was like eating out sand paper
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
